It's 10 a.m. and Valerie Bertinelli is making lasagna. Lowfat, of course. Valerie is no stranger to the kitchen, having grown up watching her mom cook three meals a day and her grandma make her own pasta and bread. "For us, cooking was as much about being together as it was about the food," says the star of the TV hit Hot in Cleveland. But as she got older, food became an outlet for her emotional turmoil, culminating in her very public weight gain (and loss) five years ago. These days, Valerie has kept off the weight and transformed her life. She married longtime boyfriend Tom Vitale last New Year's Day, has a new clothing and home decor line at Marshalls and T.J. Maxx, and her cookbook will be out later this year. At midlife, Valerie has finally hit her stride. Here, she tells us the seven most important things she's learned along the way.
Lesson #1: Dieting doesn't mean deprivation
"I started dieting as a teenager, and tried every diet out there. But I never kept the weight off until I went on Jenny Craig, which pairs you with a consultant. Having someone in my corner cheering me on has really made a difference. "My dieting philosophy is, you never have to give up anything completely. If there's something you really like, you'll always be pining for it. Then, if it's put in front of you, you'll go crazy for it. I love movie popcorn, but I don't have it very often because I know there's a healthier alternative in unbuttered popcorn and it's still satisfying. But occasionally I'll indulge when Tom and I go to the movies, and I'm not going to feel guilty about it. "Let's face it, any diet is going to be prohibitive in some way, so you have to enjoy the process and the progress, and not look at it as misery. It's all in the way you frame it. I had to believe I was worth it—worth not having my knees hurt because of my weight, worth being able to put on a pair of jeans and not stress about it."
Lesson #2: Happiness is about making a choice
"When I think about my 20s and read all the interviews I did, I wouldn't say I was miserable the whole time, but there were a lot of ups and downs. That's life, and there's no magic formula for being happy. It's about making a choice: Am I going to let this get me down, or am I going to walk through it and get to the other side? Sometimes it's getting through the personal stuff that makes you a better, happier person. And when you feel better, it's easier to take care of yourself. "I've also found that faith, or whatever that higher power is for you, can help get you through. Every morning when I wake up, I thank God and say to myself, 'Be grateful,' or 'This is the first day of the rest of my life.'"
Lesson #3: Exercise is good, so push yourself
"There are some days when I just don't want to exercise, when I can't possibly imagine expending another ounce of energy. But the truth is, those are the days when I get the most out of it. You can't make yourself like exercising, but knowing that you're doing something good for yourself and that it will make you feel better helps a lot. "When I first started exercising, I could only do five push-ups, but then a week later I could do 10 and soon 15. It's motivating to see that kind of progress and feel your body getting stronger. I can promise you that you'll never finish exercising saying, 'I wish I hadn't done that.'"
Lesson #4: Give yourself a break
"Whoever said women can do it all was wrong. We wish we could, but it's OK that we can't. We just need to do the best we can. I was separated from Ed [rocker Eddie Van Halen, Valerie's first husband] when my son, Wolfie, was 11 (he's now 20). I was working full time in Utah and flying back and forth to Los Angeles five days a week because I wanted to put Wolfie to bed at night. But working and taking care of him was hard on everyone—including me. As women, we're busy taking care of our kids and everyone else in our lives, but we forget to treat ourselves well. "This past weekend Tom was away and I spent almost an entire day in bed reading, watching old movies (Ever After with Drew Barrymore is one of my favorites!) and just doing pretty much nothing. A day like that is good for you every so often."
Lesson #5: Enjoy your gal pals
"I never really had friends until Wolfie started going to school. I think a lot of that had to do with working in the business at such a young age. But when Wolfie was in school, I realized the other moms liked me because I was a mom and not anything else. I've known these women for almost 14 years and we still hang out together all the time. "I've also been in the same book group since 1997, with the same seven women. There's nothing like just being with women friends and talking. I'm also privileged to be working on Hot in Cleveland with Betty White, Jane Leeves and Wendie Malick, who I'm proud to call my friends. Betty and I do crosswords every day. She keeps her brain and body active, and that's what I aspire to when I'm 90!"
Lesson #6: Mistakes can be life lessons
"If there's one thing I learned from my first marriage, it's this: Don't say words that will be hurtful, because you can never take them back. Poor Ed, he had to go through hearing me say things without any thought to whether or not my words were damaging. I didn't care what I said, I just wanted to get the words and the feelings out. With Tom, I've learned how to be more careful. I want him to understand my intentions, but he's not going to understand me if I say things that hurt him. The great thing about making mistakes is that when you acknowledge them, you have a chance to learn from them so you don't make them again. Mistakes are there to be helpful."
Lesson #7: Age gracefully…and buy a pair of Spanx
"Age has never been a big deal for me. In fact, it's more of a celebration. I've always looked forward to those big birthdays—21, 30, 40 and even 50. For me, they're milestones and certainly a lot better than the alternative! I wouldn't trade being 51 for being in my 20s for anything. We may not be as appreciated by others as we get older, but maybe we have to start by appreciating ourselves. I appreciate the lines on my face. But I do notice my skin getting thinner, and that crepey thing starts happening at a certain age. I'm starting to get these little lines above my lip and it bugs me a bit, but not enough to do anything about it. I don't want bug eyes or arched brows, or those Beverly Hills lips that everyone has. As far as my body, I think carrying a little extra weight has actually been good. If you're really skinny as you age, it can make you look older. However, I'm getting this thickness around the middle that I never had. That's why I love Spanx! Just put on a pair and—it's gone."
Click here to get Valerie's Spinach and Cheese Lasagna recipe featured in this month's issue.
Click here to get Valerie's Buttermilk Blueberry Cake recipe featured in this month's issue.
Lori Berger writes celebrity profiles and lives in Los Angeles.
