Why Do Ghosters Come Back? (2024)

Ghosting refers to cutting off all contact with someone abruptly and suddenly and disappearing without an explanation.

There are many reasons why a ghoster may come back. Humans are complicated beings, and often they do not even know themselves why they do what they do.

Why they return depends greatly on their personality, attachment style, motivation, and relationship status.

If a ghoster returns, you can try to find out why by asking them directly or reading between the lines – that is, by paying attention to what they are saying and how.

For example, if they message you at 2 a.m. saying “What are you up to?” you can probably assume they are only looking for one thing.

A ghoster will not necessarily tell you the truth about why they are contacting you again so here are possible reasons and how you can tell:

They Want Something

Some ghosters may return because they want something from you. It might be attention, validation, support, material things, or to feel attractive.

After ghosting you for several days, weeks, or months, they might reappear telling you they are going through something and need someone to talk to. They might openly ask for your help, money, or to borrow your power tools or baking dish.

You might receive a random message reminding you of a particular date or experience you had together. They might send you a picture of themselves, looking for a compliment or your opinion.

Something may have reminded them of you, or they suddenly remembered you are a person who could help them with a particular problem.

Generally, you can tell if someone only wants something if they do not acknowledge that they have ghosted you, do not apologize, ask a random question, or request your help out of the blue.

Out of Boredom or Loneliness

Maybe they have been rejected by someone else or they currently do not have any dates lined up, so they contact you to alleviate their boredom or loneliness.

When they ghosted you, they may have been speaking or dating other people and lost interest in you. Now that they are bored or have no one to message, they might scroll through their contact list and get in touch with whomever they believe might reply.

They might think you are an “easy target” and contact you whenever they need an ego boost or someone to message.

Signs they are messaging you out of boredom or loneliness include:

• They contact you sporadically but never commit to meeting up
• You get messages from them during the night
• They have ghosted you several times

They Are Narcissistic

Narcissistic people are often prolific ghosters and see it as an acceptable way to break up with someone.

They are mostly driven by their insatiable egos, always looking for people who will validate, admire, and pay them attention.

Their selfishness and lack of empathy mean they do not care about hurting others and only act in their own interest.

Thus, if you do not satisfy their needs, they will lose interest and simply discard you, often by disappearing from one day to the next.

When they are bored or need attention, they contact you casually. They might message everyone in their contact list to see whether anyone will reply.

Narcissists are generally ruthless and do not have a strong moral code, so they do not see any problem in their behavior.

You can tell if someone is high up on the narcissism scale when they:

• Are very charming when it suits them
• Talk about themselves all the time and have little interest in others
• They are attention-seeking e.g., they are showy and arrogant or always create drama
• Always look for compliments
• Have entitled expectations e.g., they ghost others but do not accept being ghosted by others
• They are quick to anger especially when they feel criticized
• Hot-and-cold behavior e.g., messaging you a lot and then ghosting you

Their Intentions are Genuine

In some cases, ghosters come back because they genuinely want to have you back in their life.

They may have had time to think and realized what you had together was good. Time may have matured them, and they may have realized they want to commit and have a relationship with you.

They may genuinely miss you and want to try to work things out.

If they message you acknowledging that they have ghosted you or not been in touch for a while and apologize, this is a good sign.

They might provide a plausible explanation for why they disappeared – although there are few excuses for not responding to someone for more than a few days when you usually speak every day.

The important thing is that they communicate openly with you and take responsibility. If they blame you or act like nothing has happened, it’s a sign they are not serious.

Approach ghosters cautiously even if they say sorry and their intentions seem genuine – they might be very good at manipulation.

If someone has ghosted you once, the chances of them doing it again are quite high. Therefore, take it slow and build trust before launching into it.

What Are Common Excuses Ghosters Use?

When a ghoster returns, they may devise an excuse for why they ghosted you. The excuse might be genuine, but in most cases, there is no excuse for ignoring someone, especially for weeks on end.

Whether you believe and empathize with the ghoster’s reasoning depends on you and what they say.

Just be aware that they might be saying things to manipulate you back into their life, and there is a strong possibility that they will eventually ghost you again.

Here are some examples of excuses ghosters use:

• “I needed time for myself.”
• “I was in a bad place, but I should have communicated that to you.”
• “I had some stuff going on with my health.”
• “I didn’t realize I had to reply immediately.”
• “I was so busy with work.”
• “I didn’t see your message.”
• “I forgot to reply.”
• “I lost my phone.”
• “I got scared because things were going so well and I’m afraid of getting hurt again.”

What Should You Do if a Ghoster Comes Back?

Sometimes relationships remain ghosts, and you never hear from them again, but it is common for ghosters to return after a few days, weeks, or months. So what is the best thing to do if this happens?

That depends on the ghoster’s personality, motivation, intention, and how you feel about that person now you know they are a ghoster.

If a ghoster returns, you should think about what to do first instead of impulsively replying. Consider the circ*mstances around their ghosting, what they are saying now, and whether you still want to have contact with them.

Forgiving someone for ghosting you might be easier if you had only been speaking for a little while or been on one date. It might be more difficult if you were already in a relationship with them.

If they contact you without any explanation or pretend like nothing has happened, this is a red flag. It suggests they are only looking for attention, are bored, or do not take you seriously.

However, if they contact you and explain why they disappeared and the reasons seem genuine, you could consider engaging with them – at least to understand what happened.

Consider whether you even want to have them back in your life:

• Have you felt better since they left?
• Have you missed them?
• Do you think you could trust them now?
• Can you see a future with them?
• Do you like their personality and values?

It’s important that you make a decision based on what you want and not because you feel obliged to respond.

Furthermore, if you suspect they are a serial ghoster, have narcissistic tendencies, or their intentions are not genuine, it might be best to ignore them.

If you decide that responding is worthwhile, make sure you:

• Prioritize your well-being
• Have an open conversation with them about why they ghosted you
• Let them know how being ghosted felt
• Tell them what the consequences will be if they ghost you again (and stick to your word)

You will be able to tell a lot about their intentions by the way they respond.

Why Do People Ghost?

People often ghost others because they are afraid of confrontation and awkward or difficult conversations.

Ghosting is often a sign of emotional immaturity and insecurity. That is, ghosters tend not to have much capacity to see things from another person’s perspective and do not have the tools to communicate openly and honestly.

A common reason for ghosting is feeling that the relationship was not serious enough to warrant a verbal dissolution. They may have realized that the other person is not their type or lost interest for another reason.

Some people ghost because they are narcissistic and callous and therefore do not care about other people’s feelings – they simply discard people once they have satisfied their needs.

Other people ghost because they are protecting themselves from narcissistic and otherwise toxic people.

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